Jan 19, 2016
(Trigger Warning: suicide, institutionalization)
Tonight, I found out that I have lost yet another friend to suicide. Yet another person whose hand I could have held, whose phone call I would have taken, whose live, warm body could have been in my arms. Once the initial shock wears off, I am left with the same thought that I’m always left with after finding out that I have lost another friend due to untreated and often undiagnosed mental illnesses: that was almost me. …
I have flirted with suicide for a very long time. I have a very clear memory of the first time I contemplated suicide.
The only time I have ever really sought help was after I had a full-blown breakdown about three years ago. If I had done a bit more research to find out that my benzos were not suicide-friendly, I simply would not be here writing this article. I would be ashes, most likely sitting in a jar at my mom’s house or haphazardly dumped somewhere pretty.